Amy Chua wrote an interesting article on parenting in the Wall Street Journal and her new book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.Ms. Chua reminds me of Sgt Bess, my drill instructor at Marine Corps Boot Camp in Parris Island. Very tough discipline.
Ms. Chua tells us:
“A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
• attend a sleepover • have a playdate • be in a school play • complain about not being in a school play • watch TV or play computer games • choose their own extracurricular activities • get any grade less than an A • not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama • play any instrument other than the piano or violin"
Wall Street Journal - Click the Link Below:
This article and the comments below were originally generated by my high school classmates. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
9 comments:
It's clear that not one shred of her parenting is for her children....it's all about her and whether or not she'll be seen as a "successful" parent.
The article shoud be "Why Chinese Mothers are real mother!@$!!
It explains alot about why China seems to be a joyless country.
Ron
I would guess Amy Chau lives vicariously through her children and their success becomes her success. Also when the writer says "Chinese mothers" like she means every last one of them she is really describing a subset of Chinese mothers but not all. I'd be surprised if the the number of similarly-driven parents is much greater than 10 or 20%, but that is a significant subset, nonetheless.
I think this is part of the cultural divide. When you have grown up in a land of plenty it is easy to begin to take the next load of plenty for granted. They don't take much for granted in China. A few generations ago, more Americans were probably like Amy Chau. They remembered the
lean years where only the best and the brightest ate and survived and it is a powerful motivator to make sure their kids had that set of survival
skills. Things have been different here for several generations and those memories have faded. Although Amy Chau was raised here, I'd guess that her parents remembered the great famines of Mao's time, and their determination to not let that happen to their kids was instilled in Amy.
With that said, 10 or 20% of highly motivated Chinese is almost as many people as the entire US population, and we will find our selves at a
serious competitive disadvantage for a few generations until we "get it" again. And by "get it" I mean learning to not depend on government or unions to provide, but learning to depend almost exclusively upon oneself, and be willing to do anything to succeed. Like practice
something for 3 hours a day.
I'm sure there is a fair bit of dysfunction that results from families like hers, and I am glad she was not MY mother, but I'd say the world
will be a better place for her and her family's efforts, so kudos to Amy Chau.
Will
You have something there, Ron. And Will, too. The accomplishments of those children raised with "Chinese" parents wth whom I have come in contact seem to be almost rote learning accomplishments rather than joyous accomplishments. Of course, not always. But there is a certain robot-like persistence that comes from no choice in the matter since it is someone else deciding everything.
That being said, American children used to be raised with much more discipline - discipline in proper social/personal behavior as well as
intellectual development, the two prongs which encourage achievement and self confidence in that achievement while allowing choices for the child to develop as they grow. Much of the "confidence" which is the focus of the education of today's children is not true confidence born of hard work and persistence in achievement and consequent ability to do things. Rather an inflated self confidence with little behind it.
A true education offers a wide variety of options, requires application and persistence, and then freedom to choose which direction(s) the individual will take in furthering the specific interests that are peaked by exposure
in that education.
MC
So here is another take on getting educated. Having done this with the last of my children (who still says regularly, "Mom, I have a question") and in other ways with my other children, I found it was an amazing experience
both for me and my children.
http://www.mydaily.com/2011/01/11/i-was-homeschooled/?icid=main%7Chtmlws-ma
in-n%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk3%7C195429_
(http://www.mydaily.com/2011/01/11/i-was-homeschooled/?icid=main|htmlws-main-n|d\
l3|sec1_lnk3|195429)
This is the first I've heard of Amy Chau...but then I "live" in the mushroom factory. My computer is in the basement where it is dark, cool and they feed me BS all day long.
With regard to the article, is this supposed to be a suprise? A good friend of mine only balked with his Chinese mother when it came to going back to Taiwan to find a bride. He went to Taiwan and came back 'brideless'. He and all his
brothers excelled in all ways possible. I guess he placated Mom by marrying an American of Chinese heritage. Their sons also excelled in school and in life but did have sports and other outside interests.
Would be interested in knowing if Amy was a full-time Mom or melded a career with her terror tactics.
Rick
Rick, your comments reminded me of why I think America has been such a great country for so long. Because all of the people here had to get up off their ass and take a long, dangerous, expensive trip to get here. Only the achievers made it, so our stock has a greater percentage of achievers than some older civilizations, because so many of them are used to getting everything by "assmosis". I know this is an egocentric idea, but I'm convinced that this is the reason we are all above average over here. :-') That is my tongue in my cheek as I typed that last bit.
The Amy Chaus of the world are of that same stock. Her parents were probably exceptional (how many escaped China during the Mao years) and so is Amy and so on.
Will
I have been to a China a number of times and I would not describe the Chinese as joyless. They are very hard working and disciplined, but they also enjoy themselves.
Will wrote:
Rick, your comments reminded me of why I think America has been such a great country for so long. Because all of the people here had to get up off their ass and take a long, dangerous, expensive trip to get here.
Only the achievers made it, so our stock has a greater percentage of achievers than some older civilizations, because so many of them are
used to getting everything by "assmosis".
--
CH. The other take on this is that the ne'er do wells and undiscliplined left the old country to come here. And don't forget the prisoners.
Some people think our high rate of ADD ties to this - a nation descended from ancestors who were all attention deficit disordered immigrated here and passed it on to their descendants in this country.
But I forget what I was talking about. Where am I? Why am I here?
I just checked and Mom used to make me walk 3.5 miles to EMPEHI, all uphill, in the snow in the summer. Life was tough for us. But cigarettes were
.25 at the Clark station.
Tom
Amy Chua is an interesting person. Clearly very bright and capable. No doubt her husband and her children are also very bright and capable.
But her child could have also been born average or below average. Then all the discipline in the world would not make the child a stellar performer.
Nature and nuture is the age old question. Hard to know where one stops and the other starts. But they both count.
I was one of six seniors on my high school basketbacll team. We were all about the same size, 6 2" or 3". And we played together for three years.
But our star was so much better then we other 5 guys that there was no comparison. He scored over 40 points a game.
We all practiced together and played together, probably about the same amount. But our had the natural talent.
Our coach could have disciplined us forever and I still would not have been able to shoot.
Discipline and training and effort count. But you must have ability also.
Ms. Chua would know that.
What I think is that it is always the "haves" who desire "civility".
J
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